


Where Pleasant Fountains Lie

by Talik_Sanis



Series: Miraculous Crackfics [13]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir Is a Little Shit, Aged-Up Character(s), Bisexual Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Crack, Extensive Reflection on Boobs, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gender Roles, Gender or Sex Swap, Hot Mess Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Identity Reveal, Let Adrien Agreste Get Pegged, Loss of Virginity x 4, No Smut, Pegging, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Humor, Thirsty Marinette Dupain-Cheng, What pronouns do you use again?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:40:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27582839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Talik_Sanis/pseuds/Talik_Sanis
Summary: An Akuma gender-swaps Chat Noir, leading Ladybug into a disaster-bisexual awakening meltdown...Things go downhill from there.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Series: Miraculous Crackfics [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1755580
Comments: 47
Kudos: 184





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Missnoodles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missnoodles/gifts).



> "Graze on my lips, and if those hills be dry, / Stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.”

Alya had been Marinette's bisexual wake-up call.

One evening after cookies and a chick flick, Alya had begun to describe Nino's technique in non-explicit detail to preserve the innocence of Marinette's virginal mind (a little patronizing, there, Alya, but Marinette let it pass). As Alya gushed, placing a hand to her heart in such a way as to accidentally emphasize the curves of her impressive bosom while playing with a curly red lock of hair, Marinette had started to feel just a little _uncomfortable_.

As was suitable for a still somnolent Marinette, mouth gummy and eyes crusty with sleep, she had slammed her hand down on her bisexual-awakening alarm clock and rolled over to go back to bed, dreaming of _Adrien_.

Kagami when she got all sweaty and flushed during a fencing match and then peeled off her fencing cage as she left the piste, huffing for breath, kind of ... roused the slumbering dragon. It blinked open one eye, saw that its golden treasure hoard of _Adrien_ was safe and secure, and then settled itself in for a nap.

Tonight in the midst of the latest akuma battle, Marinette's bisexuality hit her right in the kisser like the traffic light she just swung into face-first before she flipped up and tumbled end-over-end to splatter into a billboard like a ladybug against a car windshield.

Did anyone get the number of that speeding bisexual-awakening? It had to have been going, like, 125mph in a school zone.

The billboard into which the Heroine of Paris had artfully tumbled just happened to house an _Adrien the Fragrance_ advertisement, which should have lulled her back into the haze of bisexuality-sleep, but this time the alarm clock was blaring and the dragon was out of her cave, so there was no one to turn it off.

Said dragon was currently ... hunting for _caves_.

Ladybug stuck to the billboard for a moment, plastered to Adrien's dreamy smile, before sliding down to the ground, the squeal of her costume as it scraped and stuck to the metal matched only by the squeal that was pouring from her mouth. On landing, she lay in a crushed-bug heap.

Rubbing at her bloodied nose, she stared up at her partner as ... he (?) – of course he would still identify as a he – tried to fend off the akuma while his _cleavage_ almost spilled out of his costume which had been transformed alongside of him so that he no longer had a bell, but rather a wide-cut, completely impractical, physics-defying rounded hole in the middle of his chest armour, circled in green piping, with two tips that arched upwards like kitten ears, showing off his...

 _...boobs_.

And not like unpleasant man-boobs or anything.

Oh, no!

Girl boobs.

Ladybug's mouth watered. Her hands itched.

Girl boobs were really amazing and might constitute an argument for the existence of God.

Those girl boobs, at least.

_Oh, no! She's hot!_

No. No. Ladybug shook her head vigorously as she staggered to her feet and tried to rejoin the battle. That wasn't right.

_Oh, no! He's hot (girl boobs and all)!_

Ladybug was a heroine. She did not misgender people.

_Also, hello bisexuality, and thank you God that I can appreciate those girl boobs properly._

She didn't think any of that, but her brain did.

Since her brain had punched out for the day, leaked out Marinette's ears to make its way home, and left her a drooling, lobotomize mess, that distinction was most assuredly suitable.

Chat Noir had always been objectively attractive, but – but Chat Noir as a _woman_ was ...

...more beautiful than Adrien, the thought came to her hot and shameful.

Oh, God, _so_ hot and shameful and if she kept staring at that bouncing cleavage maybe... _Gah!_

While trying to chase down her partner and the Akuma with whom she - HE! was engaged in a running firefire, Ladybug mistimed a leap and ended up smashing into an apartment window, splattering through the assorted foodstuffs on the dinner table of a rather shocked family of four. 

_Way_ more beautiful, Ladybug decided as she brushed mashed potatoes off her shoulders, plucked some peas from her hair, and took off through the wrecked remnants of the apartment window, throwing an apology to the staggering family as she took off. 

Those thickly built wide hips and robust butt that Ladybug could see as she trailed after the pair again - she desperately wanted to clench her hands into them as she pulled the other girl into her lap to make her kitty purr. And her other kitty. And her kitty's kitty.

Chat's hair now extended to his mid-back, but no matter how he ducked and weaved around the akuma's assault, the silky blonde tresses never interfered, streaming in the wind, coiling around his shoulders. That gorgeous, unblemished face was haloed by a mane of golden sunshine that gleamed in the moonlight as he danced around the akuma and smirked in a way that made Ladybug want to tease those plump lips between her teeth until the other girl was left kiss-bruised and panting.

That _smirk_!

Her arms coiled about her midsection.. while she was in mid-swing, causing her to smack into a rooftop. She felt that smirk right in her gut and heart and empty skull like a sucker punch (It was also partially the rough landing), just like the one that Chat Noir landed in the akuma's gut when he got distracted, justifiably, by the cat's curves.

But Ladybug was Ladybug, after all, and was not one to let a bisexual awakening or the sight of a – a blonde angel in sin – uh – _skin_ -tight leather distract her from her job cleansing an akuma.

This she did in relatively short order, and Marinette had only flown into three more traffic lights, and a lamppost and stuttered twice while trying to call up miraculous cure.

It was on said second failed attempt that Chat Noir stalked into Ladybug's personal space with the liquid grace of a panther, prowling the jungle in search of prey in order to consume a meal that hopefully consisted of Ladybug with a Marinette side platter and maybe a few wriggling Multimouses for desert.

Her feeble legs trembled as she froze up under the liquid crystal green eyes of the apex predator-pussy ... cat that was bearing down on her. There was no way that she could speak, throat closing up, her voice lost as if she was caught up in a night terror and sleep paralysis at once, stalked by a feral lust-demon.

Maybe as he was slowly playing with the Multimice in his paws, torturing his food with his claws retracted – _This was Marinette's fantasy so she could make stuff up, okay? Don't judge her for not wanting him to ... finger his food with clawed gloves._ – he'd lose his grip on one squirming clone who'd tumble, screaming (in joy), into the ample recesses of cleavage and the other Multimice would have to cluster around Chat's shoulders to jabber and point at one another, staring into the fathomless abyss of boob, in order to mount a rescue operation.

For justice and the city of Paris and their fallen comrade, of course!

The City of Lights cast appealing highlights across his svelte figure that made the robust lines of his thighs pop just like her head would if she stuck them between the other girl's legs so that she could be happily crushed to death while buried in her kitty's ... kitty.

_... okay. That might have been going too far, brain._

Marinette's brain could not reply that Marinette had already gone way too far with the Multimouse fantasy. Said brain had already made it home and was currently curled up with her hot blonde wife, who also wore leather and had great cleavage.

Marinette and her brain clearly had a type.

Hawkmoth could never learn that her Kryptonite was hot blondes.

...

“Milady, are you alright?” Chat's voice was all smoothly polite deference, a melodious song that had Ladybug swooning at the tone and pitch. What had been slightly squeaky gravel was now ... harmonious birdsong. Her partner's gloved hand pressed to Ladybug's forehead, leaving her sweating because that palm was soft and gentle and _don't look down at that cleavage that was way too close and exposed and – and_ _cleaving_!

“Perfectly fine kitty!” She grinned, cheek twitching, for just a moment before she suddenly felt sick to her stomach and started to waggled her hands. “But not like you're a perfectly fine kitty although you totally are because you're the best partner a girl could have but not in like a sexual way and not that you've _got_ a perfectly fine kitty!” she screamed as she flushed redder than her suit, which was typical for Marinette but not her.

“But that _I'm_ perfectly fine, kitty, like the difference between “let's eat grandma” and “let's eat, grandma” because commas save lives and a life is a horrible thing to waste and cannibalism is really really wrong!”

Although cats could eat bugs.

Kitties also licked kitties to clean them up when they got all filthy-dirty.

It was totally natural.

Beautiful in its own way.

Majestic, really.

Like kitties themselves.

Chat arched a blond brow in such a way as to somehow emphasize the fine angular cut of her – _his_ cheeks because Chat was totally a guy and not a smoking hot girl who also liked girls like Ladybug.

Also “like Ladybug” because Ladybug liked girls, apparently.

“You look a little red and you're stumbling over your words.” Chat pressed gently, moving his hand to her shoulder to offer her what, under other circumstances wherein her kitty had a dick and not a kitty, would have been a comforting squeeze. “Are you sure?”

“ _Yesfinegottago_!” She yelped, flicking her yo-yo towards a nearby building and not even bothering to see if it actually attached to anything before flinging herself off the rooftop to what might have been her grizzly death, had luck not been on her side, as it typically was. “Bug Out!”

Chat Noir stared after his retreating Lady before loosing a desperate cry that, despite the urgency of his tone, rang out like crystal clear waters from the pure streams that flowed through paradise before the fall of man: “Wait, Ladybug! You haven't cast miraculous cure yet!”

There was no response to his plaintive, perfectly-gorgeous mewling as she swung away... right into yet another billboard. Once recovered and properly dusted off, she threw a horrified glance in his direction and then was off again.

After standing there on the lonely rooftop for several seconds, Chat glanced downwards, expecting to see his feet, but found only boob.

He held up a clawed finger, which, suddenly, was declawed, the pointed tip retreating into some hidden recess in his gloves. His head cocked.

“Hm?”

A shiver tingled its way up his neck and pulsed in the base of his skull when he poked his boob inquisitively, the tender flesh deforming under the soft, easy pressure and then popping back into place, all round and smooth and deliciously... _booby_.

The remainder of his claws retracted.

“ _Mm!_ ”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein a certain sunshine child makes her(?) way to school and we find that everyone is gay for Adrien Agreste.

The next day, Marinette barged into her classroom early for once as she really needed to speak to Alya in person. The fact that she had never even fallen asleep last evening, plagued by thoughts of Chat and kitty, also helped her to arrive before the start of class.

On entry, she delighted to see that Alya had already arrived and was seated at their regular desk, flicking away at her cell-phone screen.

“Alya, thank God! I need your help,” Marinette cried, racing to her girlfriend and taking her by the hand.

“Uh.” Alya placed her phone on the desk, eyes wary. “Sure, girl. Whatever you need.”

“I think that I'm bisexual!”  
  
Alya stared at her for a moment before grimacing regretfully. “Sorry. I'd love to be able to help you there, and, trust me, if things were different I would be all over that, but Nino and I are exclusive, you know?”

“What?” 

“What?” Alya responded.

Before Marinette had the chance to articulate the spiraling totally coherent nightmare of utterly rational fears that culminated with the resurrection of Lenin and a resurgent Soviet Union conquering France by way of an assault from their sparkly-vampire-populated moon colonies, Adrien Agreste walked into class.

Strutted, really.

Glided, floated, slunk sexily?

Moved in a way that was both ethereal as befitted a goddess and abjectly obscenely erotic like something out of only the most degenerate of lesbian pornography that Marinette had assuredly not watched last night while trying to look up video clips of hot, leggy blondes with perfect boobs.

She couldn't find any that compared to Chat.

Now, she could only ask: _Chat? Who's Chat?_

“Hello, everyone!” With a chipper wave, Adrien seemed utterly oblivious to the universal stares of his classmates.

And his outfit...

It was a relatively simple combination of a finely tailored white blouse that hugged those feminine curves perfectly without being in any way untoward and a black knee-length ruffled skirt, showing off some... some very nice legs.

Marinette gulped.

Normally, she would have been able to offer a keenly insightful analysis of the specific techniques involved in the construction of Adrien's outfit, noting the design scheme and potential influences while also fitting them into the schedule of _Gabriel_ releases from past years, but this time – this time her brain had combusted rather than melted.

Burnt up to a cinder that was now smoldering inside her skull.

That explained the steam pouring out of her ears and nose and the fire that was surely responsible for her burning blush.

She did, however, have the wherewithal to acknowledge that she could _never_ pull off heels like that.

Even in her stupor, she saw Lila trembling, Alix wide-eyed thirsting because aromantic was in no way equivalent to asexual, and Kim clutching at his forehead while his kind yet not particularly robust brain (Himbo that he was) tried to work through some rather complex questions that he'd never thought to consider regarding the nature of heterosexuality.

“So, you got caught up in last night's akuma attack?” Alya asked as she placed a comforting hand to Marinette's lower back.

If she had been in her right mind, Marinette would be grateful for even a futile gesture.

“Yep!” Adrien popped, making his way to his regular seat, fumbling with how he should settle in while arranging his skirt.

“You're taking this little change really well there, sunshine.”

He looked up from his chair, and merely shrugged as if trading in his pet anaconda for a new kitty was no more serious than his choice in fashion accessories for the day.

“Yeah. I mean, I'd be freaking out if I thought that this was permanent, but I know that Ladybug will take care of the damage done by the akuma, including all these gender-swaps.”

“But you're actually wearing girls' clothes.”

“I've done shoots with unisex clothing before, and men can _totally_ wear dresses and skirts, Alya.” Marinette's heart began oscillating between her throat and the pit of her stomach when Adrien threw a suddenly beat-red Alya a saucy hip-cock, his ruffled skirt flaring. “My father even had a male dress as part of his fall line last year. Gender conformity is kind of a 90s thing, and it's actually a little fun to finally get to change my outfit, you know?”

Nathaniel, given his affiliation with Marc, seemed quite pleased by the former statement, and actually found the courage to raise himself up from his sketchpad and throw the buxom blonde a thumbs up.

Even though his face was the same colour as his hair.

Adrien responded with sexy finger guns.

Marinette had not been aware that finger guns could be sexy, but apparently _she_ was the boob here for having been so ignorant. Given that was the case, she really needed to spend more time familiarizing herself with the ways of her people. Their culture was rich and beautiful.

“And what about the heels?” Alya drew out her cellphone and inclined her head towards the – the angel in their midst, asking for permission to take a few photographs.

“They go with the outfit. At least that's what my father said when he had a few things brought in from last fall's line.”

Adrien smiled gently, rising up to fluff his skirt and extend a leg, toe pressed to the ground in just the right way to make it seem like the svelte limb was so long that it stretched into the heavens which it actually kind of did because it ended between the blonde's thighs which was precisely where heaven was located according to the sacred tenets of Marinette's new-found religion.

While Adrien set up for his impromptu photoshoot, sweat began to bead up on Marinette's forehead, and she fumbled for a bottle of water in her bag. Since she couldn't take her eyes off those creamy bare legs, she was utterly incapable of quenching either of her thirsts.

“You'll send me a few of these photos, right Alya?”

“Oh, sure thing, Adrien. I'd be happy to pass them along.”

Adrien extended her leg once again to (accidentally?) falunt the endless expanse of pale alabaster flesh that cradled fine, svelte musculature and a rather surprisingly meaty thigh.

Alya had very nearly forgotten to take pictures, and scrambled to make up for it while still staring at Adrien's feet like she might have just discovered a new kink.

“You- you alright on those heels?”

“Oh, yeah. No trouble keeping my balance, though flats would really be more comfortable. Still it's not like I was going to wear those with an outfit like this, right Marinette?” Adrien held her pose for a few more moments before shifting into a seated position on their teacher's desk, folding her legs and smoothing out her skirt to make sure that no one could see her ... _panties_. She put her hand to her chin and adopted a wistful, lovelorn expression as she stared out the window, allowing the sunlight to splash appealing highlights across her fine features.

Someone whimpered.

It might have been Marinette herself; she couldn't tell.

_Oh, god. She knows fashion. Of course she knows fashion. She's the perfect human being. Also, why do I have a sudden craving to eat some drumsticks?_

Only now did the mental use of female pronouns register, but she couldn't stop herself.

Alya elbowed her roughly, shocking the baker out of her thirsty fixation on Adrien's thighs when the other girl uncrossed her legs as she rose to adopt another position. “Friends don't objectify friends, girl,” the redhead whispered into Marinette's ear.

_Right._

Marinette shook her head. At least Alya, tugging at her collar, was making an _attempt_ not to stare.

Throughout the rest of class, Nino, who tripped on entering the room – fortunately his “very good friend” was right there to catch his blushing, stuttering self – did not have the same level of success.

Held like a fainting damsel whom Adrien was helping to stand on unsteady legs, the other boy had trembled against the blonde's soft boobs, mouthing silent nonsense while staring up at the bewitching green eyes of a girl who had no qualms about carting him over to their desk, showing off the strength afforded her by all that svelte muscle.

Lucky bastard.

Apparently Nino had a thing for women who could shove him around a little bit, but were always really kindhearted about it.

Given his relationship with Alya, that probably should have been obvious to Marinette.

Nino stared, eyes trailing down from Adrien's simultaneously refined, adorable, cute, and drop-dead gorgeous features, following the pale column of her neck all the way to those very modestly covered boobs that still seemed a little lewd because Adrien could give Majestia a run for her money. She had about two feet on Adrien, making the teen's bosom ... highly disproportionate. It was impossible for _them_ not to appear a little sexualized.

At least Adrien didn't have [a boob window like Power Girl](https://i.chzbgr.com/full/6682685184/hEE6D7A0F/untitled) or Chat Noir.

Like a dazed zombie, Nino shuffled out of class when they broke for lunch, muttering something about “Stupid sexy Adrien.”

Chloe accosted said stupid sexy blonde immediately after class, fawning and cooing over her childhood friend's exceptional sense of fashion and insisting that they go out for makeovers and shopping and a sleepover at Le Grand Paris where they could do each other's nails and try on clothes and-

And it went on like that, with the heiress staring jealously at Adrien's boobs while clinging onto her arm like a drowning woman clutching at a lifeline.

At least Marinette _thought_ that was jealousy and not a possible lesbian awakening that the rail-thin blonde wanted to explore in the very near future with her now equally female blonde friend.

Oh.

Lesbianism.

With hot blondes (Marinette ignored the fact that she had just kind of mentally implied that Chloe was hot. This bisexual awakening thing was all kinds of confusing.).

Hot blondes like... female Adrien.

And ... female Chat.

 _Together_.

Leather and flared skirts and lustrous blonde hair and boobs and kitties.

Marinette face-planted into her desk and covered her head with her forearms.

The day progressed in much the same fashion with many more bisexual awakenings and questions regarding sexuality as everyone stared at Adrien whenever she strutted past, until, mercifully, it was time for Marinette to retreat home.

One serious problem struck Marinette – unlike the car that narrowly missed – when she was halfway to the bakery. In her exhaustion, she had forgotten that Adrien and Kagami had invited her to another one of their fencing matches.

Standing in the middle of an intersection as car horns blared at her and drivers cursed – French was a lovely language for swearing – she dug out her cell phone to see if Adrien might have left her a text informing her of a cancellation.

Instead, she found a confirmation message and a sweet inquiry from Adrien as to her well being.

Marinette groaned as a driver flipped her off, and she made her way to the D'Argencourt fencing academy. A hasty yet uneventful jog allowed her to arrive only a few minutes late to her scheduled meeting, whereupon she clambered up the steps to the academy and tried to seek out her two _female_ friends.

She spotted Kagami first, finding her slumped over on a bench near the entrance to the spacious fencing arena, her face pinched up with thought.

“Hey, Kagami.” Marinette panted slightly as she trotted over to the fencer, who refused to even acknowledge the greeting. Strange, and greatly concerning. Kagami was always lightning quick, but she appeared dazed as if concussed. “Are you alright?”

Kagami merely raised a shaky finger, spurring Marinette to turn towards the far wall.

The sight of Adrien's boobs jiggling as she ran through a series of stretches had Marinette whimpering just a smidge.

“Oh... yes.” Kagami's irises bounced up and down in her eye-sockets, tracking the motions of her prey because apparently fencers' eyes hunted by movement like a Tyrannosaurus Rex. “I am... merely... lost in... thought.”

That was... a hell... of a lot... of ellipses... for someone who... never... hesitated...

Marinette shook her head to try to reduce the seductive image of Adrien to a blur so that she could focus on her friend's needs and not her own which were primarily related to thirst.

She was such a good friend, ignoring those for Kagami's sake. After all, quenching your thirst was at the base of Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

“Are you sure? You look a little sad.” It was actually strange. Kagami was generally emotionless, and despondency or even sorrow was not what Marinette would have expected the sight of _Adrien_ to provoke. Maybe Kagami didn't have any bisexual tendencies, and so was somewhat saddened by the transformation.

How depressing for her. Really, to miss out on _that_ was a tragedy.  
  
Kagami leaned down to rest her jaw on two fists, one on either side of her chin, never taking her eyes away from the rangy blonde who was curving and boobing – _bobbing_! her way through her appealingly flexible stretches.

“It is merely unfortunate that I will have to kill Ladybug.” Kagami spared a moment to glance at her epee. “I may need to find a more suitable weapon.”

Marinette trembled and began to sweat.  
  
“Uh. What did Ladybug do?”  
  
“She cannot be allowed to reverse Adrien's transformation,” Kagami explained as if it was obvious. The sudden violent shaking of her head made her look like a wolf tearing off a hunk of meat from a fresh kill.

“It would diminish the sum total of beauty and goodness in the universe, and humanity would be poorer for it. There is no question-” there was a pause either for dramatic effect or for Kagami to try to sniffle up the little trickle of blood that was coming out of her nose - “Ladybug _must_ die.”

Facing towards the far wall, the blonde arched down to touch her toes daintily, and Marinette uncovered yet more evidence for the existence of a benevolent and loving God when She – by which Marinette meant _God_ , who was a blonde apparently – flagged her perky-perfect rear that Marinette kind of wanted smooshed on her face.

By definition, God was worthy of worship.

And everyone wanted to make it to heaven.

“I hear you.”

Adrienne's head curved back as she threw a glance over her shoulder, offering Marinette and Kagami a flirty wink.

At that point, Kagami had to forgo the fencing match due to blood loss from her nose bleed.

Not that Marinette was aware of that fact (or the mental use of the name _Adrienne_ ) as she fainted dead away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The silliness is nearly at an end. I just wanted an excuse to write some over-the-top Lustybug shenanigans. 
> 
> I hope that you've had a few laughs as College Francoise Dupont has all the bisexual awakenings.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette awakes from her faint and spends some time getting comfortable with Adrien, before learning something very important about Luka Couffaine and the relationship between the two hot blondes who have been plaguing her thoughts. 
> 
> And, as they say, "all good (?) things must come to an end."

Fortunately for Marinette, Kagami's nosebleed had not prevented her from moving quickly to intercept a fainting maiden. Unbeknownst to the baker's daughter, as she was unconscious at the time, the press of another girl's body against the already hot and bothered fencer's form had not helped to staunch said nosebleed by any means.

While Kagami had to depart shortly after Marinette regained consciousness, Adrienne stayed at her side in order to keep her occupied with ridiculous jokes that set her at ease because she could shut her eyes and almost pretend that it was Chat Noir next to her. That made things just a smidge better, though it still meant that she was still seated next to a smoking hot babe who – full-blown bisexuality awakening complete – she realized that she really wanted to bang.

Marinette's eyes burst open – almost literally; she opened them so wide, they felt like they were going to explode – when Adrienne curled an arm around her shoulder and drew her close as she sweated and blushed.

"I just don't know what happened, Mari," the blonde began slowly in her naturally-angelic tones that had Marinette shivering. Delicate blonde eyebrows knit together in contrition.

"I was _so_ worried about you because-" Marinette's face was brought dangerously close to those heaving, massive, perfectly soft and natural and perky breasts (although being in the same country as the eighth and ninth wonders of the world was dangerous) – "you're just such a good friend and I couldn't stand it if anything happened to you."

"It's okay, Adrienne – uh, Adrien," Marinette stumbled.

The blonde shook her head and graced Marinette with an easy stroke to her jaw that drew her in closer, so close that she could feel the interplay of their breaths and almost taste the pink sweetness of the blonde's lips.

They were moist, while Marinette's were dry and did she have bad breath? Adrienne was smiling, so maybe not...

Fingers like fluttery butterfly wings caressed her jaw and teased under her lip, sending pleasant shocks through Marinette's flushing cheeks and making her feel like a precious work of art.

"I don't care what you call me, Marinette, so long as it's 'your friend.'"

Oh, god, she was the perfect woman and so _wholesome_.

Shame and sticky heat pooled. She was horrible, she knew, even while Adrienne continued to stroke her side. This was tantamount to abusing her friend – taking advantage of Adrienne's innocence and nativity regarding her own body. Yet as the blonde nuzzled her cheek like the touch-starved and desperate young woman she was, Marinette couldn't bring herself to say no.

Touch-starved...

Not being able to say no...

Marinette glanced upwards. Her good friend's face was split by an small, easy smile, eyes half-shut as if Adrienne were just on the verge of drifting off to sleep as she cuddled Marinette to her chest in an innocent hug, even though their boobs were kind of smushed together.

Adrienne had no idea about how she affected people. No idea how men... or _women_ might try to take advantage of her.

Screw Marinette's thirst for leggy blondes with amazing boobs! She had to protect her girlfriend – who was just a friend (sadly) who also happened to be a girl (happily?) – and thus there was no choice.

Ladybug actually had to do her job and reverse this... blessing.

That proved somewhat difficult, as Adrienne had a death-grip on her, refusing to let her leave.

When she _asked_ the blonde to let go of her, the model acquiesced immediately, if slightly sleepily, but then told her in no uncertain terms, face stern and expression piercing in a way that was kind of hot, suggesting that Marinette might sub for women: "Marinette, I'm not going to let you walk home after you just had a fainting spell."

She was given the choice of being driven home by Adrienne and her bodyguard, or waiting with her until she could be picked up.

Dangerous things might happen if they got into an enclosed space, so...

They sat together on the steps that led up to the D'Argencourt fencing academy, Marinette trying not to take further advantage of her friend by staring. While she initially thought to phone her parents, she knew that they would be drowning in the crush of patrons at this time of day, so she called Luka instead. The guitarist was more than happy to offer her assistance, yet again.

He was such a good friend and a giving sort. Like Adrienne, he deserved much better than her.

Eventually, he pulled up on his bike, looking towards the stairs for Marinette, who waved at him somewhat dubiously, as she didn't really want to crawl out of Adrienne's arms.

A shrieking crash and clatter followed as Luka stared, nearly veering off into oncoming traffic before slamming on his front-wheel brake by accident and flying over his handlebars into the side of a building.

Marinette empathized, really, and left heaven – which was actually in Adrienne's arms and not... other places, as it turned out – to help her fallen friend.

But Adrienne moved faster, hoofing it down the stairs to start checking Luka for injuries. There was a swell of jealousy at that while the lithe blonde began to touch Luka _everywhere_ , outside of his “special area,” at least, but as Marinette moved to join them, she tamped down on the irrational emotion. She'd had enough of the green-eyed monster to last a lifetime, and it wasn't like Luka was-

“Your heart-song is the most exquisite melody that's ever graced my ears,” Luka offered with smooth grace, taking the blonde by the hand as she helped him rise to his feet and he feigned staggering into her. “Would you let me play you your song? I'd just need to get my guitar.”  
  
He flashed a flushing and suddenly trembling Adrienne a roguish grin, still holding onto her hand and stroking her knuckles lightly.

_What the fuck?_

This was the first time that Marinette had seen Luka... _Luka_ without being the object of his attentions.

Ripping Luka away from Adrienne, who seemed to be going through her own bisexuality awakening as she flopped down to the sidewalk and began mumbling something about sweet music and ... being glad that Luka's identity as Viperion had been exposed... for some reason, Marinette stalked off with the blueberry-haired guitarist in tow.

Adrienne would return his bike.

Or not.

It didn't matter as she rounded the corner and Ladybug body-slammed the much larger boy up against a wall, grinning up at his oh-so-innocent looking face.

"Luka?" she began sweetly.

"Uh-huh?"

She levelled a pointed glare at him, clutching up on his shirt with a viciously strong hand. "Do you pull that 'I can hear your melody thing' on every girl you meet?"

A little shrug was his only response as he eased into Marinette's presence in a languid writhe, somehow slipping her grip so that he could smooth his hand down her shoulder and thrill her with the press of his body heat. "Oh, Melody, when you're with me, yours is the only song that I can hear."

"I was with you like thirty seconds ago when you tried to get into Adrien's pants!"

"You were?" Luka scratched the back of his head, looking like he was wracking his brain.

This explained much about Luka's charms.

"Luka... you're just a fuckboi, aren't you?"

"Did I ever claim otherwise?" His pout was not in any way sexy or satisfying.

And he had a point.

Maybe Marinette should swear off boys because they were a dangerous and duplicitous lot and didn't have tasty boobs or great legs, instead devoting her life to spending every second with Adrienne in order to keep her safe.

Contrary to her promise to said hot blonde, Marinette decided to walk home.

"Actually," Luka cried while she was departing. "I really, really am, so would you mind if I asked Adrien out again after Ladybug fixes this mess? I just realized that he's really cute. Do you know if he's bi?"

Marinette was not in mood for this kind of crap.

"Fuck you, fuckboi!"

* * *

As Chaucer said in the original Middle English version of _Troilus and Criseyde_ that Ladybug had to look up and was pleased to find was not as incomprehensible as Old English – seriously, how was that even considered "English?": “But at the laste, as every thing hath ende, / She took hir leve, and nedes wolde wende.”

All good things had to come to an end, and _she_ – that is, Adrienne Agreste – had to "take her leave."

But first, Ladybug had to say goodbye to Chat Noir. It was like leaving a precious part of her adolescences behind. With arduous struggle over the course of her maturation into a fully developed bisexual woman, confident in her own sexuality, she was now ready to bid farewell to the first girl she had found truly attractive enough to inspire a bisexual awakening.

Psychologists specializing in the development of adolescents would be highly impressed by Marinette's ability to progress through the uncertain tumult of a sexual awakening in record time.

Ladybug, after all, didn't have any time to waste.

Chat was waiting for her atop the Eiffel tower, pacing the crossbeams frantically when she arrived and spooled up her yo-yo.

“Milady!” Chat yelped, throwing his hands to the sides as his boobs jiggled inside their tight, massive window.

“Hello, Chatte.” (She thought Chatte, even if the pronunciation was no different) The small twitches that ran through his claws were obvious to her given her years of experience observing him – struggling to keep him safe – keep him from self-immolation in his attempts to protect her. He was nervous, nearly afraid of her. She frowned. “Are you alright?”

“Oh, I'm fine.” Without any regard for her own uncertain emotional state, he bounded up to her like a prancing puppy greeting his mistress and trying to leap up into her arms to pepper her face with sloppy-happy licks.

Of course, that could just have been Ladybug's ~~hopeful~~ fanciful imagination as her mind fell into that abyss of cleavage again.

“I'm so, _so_ sorry, Ladybug!” He took her hand in his own, and the tight grip was both comforting and terrifying; the source of his distress escaped her completely.

“For what?” What was this cat on about, and if she – _he_! kept on looking at her with that pleading expression she couldn't be held responsible for making out with her...

Him.

"I get it, Ladybug, and I'm truly sorry for having acted in such a- an entitled and disgusting way towards you." The insistent and deeply sincere tone had her stomach plummeting. Her poor kitty was terrified – afraid of rejection or chastisement.

"What are you talking about?” His cheek was still hot and soft under her palm as she cupped his cheek and smiled, all thoughts of bisexuality awakenings and hot blondes washed away in an instant because her kitty needed her. She smiled at him softly, and his watery green eyes looked up to her in hope. “You've never done anything to make me uncomfortable."  
  
"Ugh – it's just that the way you were acting last night. I figure it out. Why you always turned me down – not that you'd have to be gay to turn me down-"

_What?_

"-or something, just why – why I never even had a change, and I'm really sorry if I ever made you feel like I was pressuring you into – into being straight or forcing you to be something that you're not. That was really horrible of me."

"What?"

He grimaced while pulling away from her in apparent shame, looking to the crossbeam beneath their feet.

"It's just that there's this girl at school – a bunch of them, really, and it was like I just... got it?” He scuffed a form-fitted boot on the ground, showing off his thick and nigh-infinite expanse... of ... leg...

_Wait._

“Maybe I'm more in touch with my feminine side or something, but I could see that they all were low-key crushing on me, especially this one classmate,” he rambled on, hands flailing in a muddy rhythm to punctuate his speech while Ladybug gawked. “I saw how she looked at me in my dress and – and I got that she had feelings for me. She thought that I was hot, and that's how you were looking at me last night and how you sounded, stutters and all."

_Wait a fucking minute!_

"But hot _damn_!” he almost moaned, shivering and fanning himself like a melodramatic primadonna as he just poured out his anxiety in a nonsensical vomit. “She was _adorable_. I just couldn't stop myself from teasing her! It – it felt so good when she saw me posing."

"P- posing?"  
  
"I put on a little modelling show for my friends. I- " He flushed even reader at the memory and the admission, arms curled around his stomach – which had the unfortunate and mouthwatering effect of pushing up his boobs, making them look even more deliciously rounded. "I loved how she was looking at me because I'm pretty sure that I'm low-key crushing on her too and wanted to make out with her and bake bread and cuddle with her all day and – and I mean, if you've got it, flaunt it, right? Then at f- uh- Then she passed out, so I'm sorry if I – if I was ever too pushy or if you don't feel that way because – because it's not _you_ and I never meant to make it seem like that wasn't right and natural!"

Posing.

Flaunting.

Passing out.

You... little... _fuckboi_.

That wasn't the right term, butt screw it!

"You did all that on _purpose_?!” she shrieked with the outrage of a harpy descending on weary seamen, transgressing the boundaries of her territory and threatening her aerie, and clawed at her yo-yo, tugging out a length of string to maybe, just possibly use as a garotte. “Do you have any idea what you did to me?!"

"What?” he hiccuped, backing off slowly with his hands raised in a surely futile attempt to ward her off or placate her. “I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about Ma- uh- a girl in my class."

"You flashed your _panties_ just to try to get me _thirsty_?!"

"What? No! I'm not even wearing panties under this costume. I only showed Alya and Mari...nette...” He blanched and looked to her feet, gaze trailing up her thighs, belly, breasts – where they might have lingered a little bit too long, but Marinette would let him have that one for ... reasons of reciprocity – and then her face, staring into her eyes as if he was seeing their colour for the first time. “ _Marinette_?"

" _Adrienne_ Agreste," Ladybug growled, cold enough to form icicles on the nearby ironwork of the tower.

Chatte swallowed hard.

"I'm going to _destroy_ your kitty."

He raised a shaky finger in objection. "Don't you mean, 'Destroy _you_ , Kitty?'” A lopsided grin in no way assuaged her ire. “I mean, commas and proper pronunciation save lives, or so I'm told.”

Ladybug's eyes narrowed. A brandishing of her teeth could have been generously termed a smile, but only by an individual who was attempting to placate her and ward off her wrath as she stalked him down with a bloody knife like a psychopath from a low-budget horror movie franchise.

"I meant what I said."

And she did.

That's how Ladybug, with lots of lube, three strap-ons – cleanliness was important, but certainly not _next_ to Godliness, because some really degenerate sin transpired that evening – and a miraculous cure, was able to be the only person in history to take someone's virginity four times – using four distinct holes – in one night.   
  
Also, with a chat beforehand, everything was completely consensual and totally enjoyable for all parties involved, because always obtain proper, explicit consent. 

And both Marinette and Adrien learned the benefits of being bisexual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this madness, and I hope that you've found some of the silliness enjoyable along the way.

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a prompt, to which I am certain that this madness will not do justice, from the Miraculous Fanworks Discord Server. I'm sorry. This... may not have been what you were looking for: "Marinette always knew that she was at least a little bit bisexual. And she knew, in an abstract way, that Chat Noir was a very attractive human. Still, she was not expecting just how strongly she would react to an akuma giving Chat a female body. Why couldn’t she stop thinking about her kitty’s... kitty?"
> 
> [NSFW example of a kitten boob window, but no actual nudity; only cleavage.](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0758/2735/products/50_original_1200x1200.jpg?v=1568784353) Think that, but wider and taller, set in magical fabric.


End file.
